Abort Everyone: A Modest Proposal

Disclaimer: It should be noted that the following is a work of satire

The greatest threat to human existence is not terrorism, or nuclear holocaust, not even our Cheeto-in-Chief. The single most dangerous force on the planet is global climate change. This is an indisputable scientific fact. Furthermore, of all the species on earth, humans are solely responsible for actively and purposefully destroying their environment. This correlation is not coincidence; humans are directly responsible for the drastic changes in the environment and continue to devastate the earth. In order to reconcile the disproportionate and offensive impact of humans on the environment, which has exclusively contributed to the global climate change that has been so detrimental to the most vulnerable and innocent, I suggest that the human race swiftly and immediately reduce its numbers through the safe and affordable termination of all current and future pregnancies.

Too often do we see single mothers burdened by their offspring, forced by manufactured social stigma and economic injustice to carry the load of an unwanted child. Simultaneously injurious to the environment and inconvenient to the mother, children ought to be deemed unequivocally inappropriate to rear. According to BBC Earth, the human population currently stands at over 7.3 billion, with projections stating that number could reach 9.7 billion by 2050, and even break 11 billion by 2100. Less than a century ago, the entire global population had not yet reached 2 billion. As the global population continues to grow at an exponential rate, the environmental impact that each individual contributes becomes increasingly significant, particularly in developed, consumerist nations.

The issue of women’s rights runs naturally concurrent with the issue of overpopulation. A study published by the Journal of Natural Ecology in 2015 presented household impact upon the environment within a consumerist context. This study notes that household consumers contribute more than 60% of all global greenhouse gas emissions, and are responsible for consumption of up to 80% of the earth’s land, material and water resources. The author of the study, Diana Ivanova of the Norwegian University of Science and Technology, argues that we must take an individual approach to accepting responsibility for environmental damage. Rather than assign fault solely to governments and businesses, she suggests that we all accept the blame. One way in which to do this is simply to reduce the fertility rate.

Despite natural reductions in fertility, including a decline in the average number of children that are born each year from 4.7 between 1970-1975 to 2.6 between 2005-2010, sustainability could still be a major issue as the global population steadily increases. The best way to address overpopulation and the consumption of resources that directly leads to global climate change is to elevate women and their reproductive rights to invariably include an arbitrary right of abortion. The UN Population Fund determined that 350 million women in the poorest countries neither wanted their last child nor had access to any means of terminating their pregnancy. That’s at least 350 million children that nobody even wanted. Had those women been able to abort their children, there would be at least 350 million less children polluting the earth, actively endangering the likes of baby pandas, and raiding the planet’s natural resources.

And that would just be the start to a campaign engineered toward the elimination of the human race through the fully-realized reproductive power of women. This is the natural and ultimate end of abortion. The importance of women’s absolute reproductive freedom to the well-being of the earth cannot be overstated. Michael Brune, the executive director of Sierra Club, a nonprofit environmental organization, has advocated for an increase in abortions in order to maintain a sustainable population. Who are we to trample upon the environment with that selfish, patriarchal desire of progeneration? Think of the trees! The most noble thing would be the dissolution of the familial construct through a universal application of abortion by all women of the world, simultaneously exercising their exclusive rights as women and literally saving the world from the suffocating smog of capitalism and the oppressive patriarchy that is responsible for the current environmental entropy. The future is female (which of course isn’t to say that men aren’t female, or that women are); and, as such, we must ensure that all females of every feminine gender can work together toward the expiration of the human race to the glory of Mother Gaia.

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