“I think I fell for my best friend…what do I do? I met my best guy friend at the Mount freshman year and we have been inseparable ever since. But now, two years later, I think I am starting to develop some really deep and intense feelings for him. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but not telling him is really stressing me out. Any advice?” – Jamie
Love sucks, doesn’t it? Well love doesn’t necessarily suck, but all of the stuff before it really does! The anticipation, stress and unknown can really take a toll on us, especially if these feelings are directed toward a best friend. There is nothing scarier than that infamous “friend zone” and from everything we see online it can be intimidating to tell your friend how you really feel in fear of being thrown aside because of “awkwardness.”
My first bit of advice for you is to make sure you really have feelings for this guy. Maybe you guys have just been around each other so much that you feel like you should have feelings. Maybe everyone around you is asking you if you two are dating and it is putting thoughts in your head. Alright, so! Do you really like this guy? Here are some signs that may mean that you like him like him instead of just liking him:
1) You care more about his happiness than any of your other friends’ happiness. You may feel you take his side in every argument or you blow off your other friends for him. Maybe you even have hurt your other friends to make him feel better.
2) You think about texting/calling him when it is 2 AM and your thoughts are racing. 2AM is a time when our brains love to be dramatic. Maybe you are laying in bed, or maybe you are elsewhere on a Saturday night(!) and his face finds its way in your head. This is a sign that maybe you want more than just a friendship.
3) You catch yourself staring at him or touching his arm a little too much. Body language doesn’t lie.
Okay, so now that we know your true feelings let’s turn to the important stuff: What do you do?!
The way I see it is that you have two options. 1) you tell him now and find out he feels the same way and you live happily ever after (yay!). If it’s one sided – you know sooner rather than later and you can begin to heal and focus your attention on someone new rather than obsessing over your best friend. Or, option 2) you say nothing and you end up falling for him harder and harder and then you will break, and you’ll have a lot harder time coping with the heartbreak.
You are probably not going to like what I have to say, but the best advice is to do something about it now… like right now. It may be hard and it may be awkward, but you need to sit down and have a conversation with him. Maybe it should go something like this:
“Hey, so our friendship feels like it is more than a friendship to me and I need to know how you feel about our friendship and about me as well. I know that this is an awkward conversation to have but I feel like telling you now is better for the best of us than keeping it a secret.”
Almost painless… okay so a little painfully awkward. But I promise either way that no matter what he says, you will feel so much better that you told him the truth so that you can move forward with your friendship, or possibly a relationship (ooh la la).
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